Sonic the Assless Chap Hog

After accompanying his mother to the public restroom until puberty and spending 16 consecutive Halloweens of dressing as "Donnie and Marie", Alice couldn't understand why she didn't have grand children yet. 

Fashionista

Ladies! Don't be the last one to get the new summer look. For those of you who don't want to commit to shorts, but still love to feel that warm summer air on your overexposed groin.

The Brocyclists

Questions:
Are you going to the grocery store? If so, where do you plan on holding the groceries?
Are you going to a social engagement? If so, do you park the crotch rocket a block away and act like you walked? 
Where's your helmet?
If there was one seat on the bus, would you both sit on it?
Does Man #2 ever get to be little spoon? If not, does this cause friction in your relationship? And if so, how?
Do you prefer to not wear helmets so you can tell people that you ride a bicycle? 
Do you ever think that dying is a better alternative than driving a motorcycle in a tank top? 
Is Man #2 jealous when Man #1 wears back packs?
Are you joined at the Vespa?
Where do you buy your shirts?
Are you aware you're wearing jean shorts?
Is this the first time this has happened?
Do you boys share the same toilet in your duo trips to the boys room?
When you ride in a car, do you both ride shot gun?
Were you born as co-dependents or did that develop during college?
Did you know that people who skateboard look less ridiculous than you do?
Do you ever plan on engaging in socially normal behavior?
When you're at a stop light, do you both put your feet down?
Do you cry yourself to sleep?
Will you be grumpier old men?


Please respond, always yours, AndiNiki.

The Furminator

When I showed up to the parade and saw this fur cloak, all I could think was, “How embarrassing. We wore the same thing.” 

Ich hasse männer!

Ladies. I get it. Sometimes you don’t want to be bothered. Sometimes you want to sip Pinot Grigio and watch a string of Diane Keaton movies and forget that men exist. In that case, don’t put your hair in a wet pony braid, dress like a German engineer and go to a bar! Do everyone a favor and stay at home, put on your fat pants, organize your tampons, and eat a brick of cheese for dinner. Don’t force people to awkwardly order their drinks around you and your carry-on. Shame on you, ma’am.

The Collector

You have a rape van. Littered with receipts. Decorated with hamster cages. Awesome. I’m sure you don't have human remains in your walls or carry Barbie heads in your pockets.

Match Made Somewhere

Furious that Dave wore a matching outfit in public, Debbie hate read through the rest of “Love’s Secret Sniper” in silence.